Monday, September 27, 2010

any day now...

I was hoping to wake up this morning to an email informing me that my visa has been approved and is on its way to my house. Alas it wasn't there and my stress level increased by about four points. It's making me think about patience. What the heck is patience anyway? Am I waiting patiently when I know I can do nothing and so I try to distract myself while my stomach grows increasingly queasy and I want to chew off my own hand? Is patience the ability to pretend that you are not waiting for something or that someone is not actually driving you crazy? Is it an innate internal stability and calmness when everything around you is completely out of your control? A couple of weeks ago when I was waiting for the last important document I needed before I could apply for the visa I made myself sick, imagining all the things that could have gone wrong and what I could possibly do to fix it, and it was so bad that when I did get the letter I didn't actually feel any better and a capillary burst in my eye making it blood red for two weeks. This time around the waiting is far worse and I'm wondering what will burst.

Maybe I just need to be more positive. I will get the visa, I will get to London. I might miss the first week of school, all of the orientation meetings and the graduate party in the Tate Modern, but that can be ok. I'll just have to let them know that I'm coming a little late because of the visa issue. Worse things could happen.

On another positive note, I got an amazing new little toy. This year has been the year for gadgets for me. I got an ipod and a new little computer and now my friends chipped in to get me a kindle for a going away present. I love it. I think it's the best thing that has ever happened to books. I already have 200 books on there and it still only weighs a few ounces! I can do searches, I can make bookmarks and notes and now I have books that I thought about reading but never wanted to buy or try to find at the library. It also works well for my scattered brain to switch from book to book without having to pack 3 or 4 around with me all the time. I might even start reading for fun.

Ok, so no worries. Everything is going to work out fine. I will get there, and it will be soon.


  1. Don't worry honey. It will come eventually. I remember learning patience as a missionary and I was NOT good at it (imagine that). I only started getting better when I learned that some things that weren't under my control and there was nothing I could do about it. You can't do anymore than you've already done. This isn't going as you had hoped, but just know that you (seriously) can't do anything anymore. It's like getting lost in a big city. It's not much fun, and it wasn't in the agenda, but you'll get out eventually. Just sit back and enjoy the scenery. Don't burst anymore blood vessels.

  2. where you in nyc when i thought the relief society lesson on patience? i think you should read that talk by elder uchtdorf on patience from last general conference. i promise it will make you feel tons better. you are in my prayers!!! x

    p.s. i woke up this morning at 6am and couldnt go back to sleep so i decided to watch Zombieland. it was hilarious, especially the intro and the fact that bill murray is dressed like a zombie. hilarious.