until the spirit new sensation takes hold then you know

I hate the fact that I haven't been posting regularly.  So many things have been happening, and I feel like I have a million excuses to keep me from a blog.  One is school.  I spent most of last week in the library and most of the next couple of weeks will also be in the library.  I have an essay due in less than 2 weeks, and I need to get all of my research done for my dissertation in 3 weeks.

Because I only have 3 weeks left in London.

This makes me want to cry.

I'm just now beginning to realize what an amazing place this is, what a fantastic opportunity it has been for me to be here, the things I have learned that are even now changing who I am and how I see the world, lessons I'll take with me to my PhD program, that I'll take with me throughout my life, I hope.

a Canterbury tale

	Whan that Aprille, with hise shoures soote,
	The droghte of March hath perced to the roote
	And bathed every veyne in swich licour,
	Of which vertu engendred is the flour;
	Whan Zephirus eek with his swete breeth
	Inspired hath in every holt and heeth
	The tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne
	Hath in the Ram his halfe cours yronne,
	And smale foweles maken melodye,
	That slepen al the nyght with open eye-
	So priketh hem Nature in hir corages-
	Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages
	And palmeres for to seken straunge strondes
	To ferne halwes, kowthe in sondry londes;
	And specially, from every shires ende Of Engelond, to Caunturbury they wende, The hooly blisful martir for the seke That hem hath holpen, whan that they were seeke

Cathedral and St. Augustine Abbey ruins

If you don't know already, those are the first lines from Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales. I had to memorize these first lines in Middle English and recite them in a class I took on the 14th Century, and it was actually really fun. (If you've never heard anyone read these lines in the Middle English before, I've included the youtube video at the bottom of the page.) For the few of you who don't speak Middle English, here's the gist: Once spring comes along in April, and the weather starts getting really nice, people grow a little antsy and start thinking about leaving the house and going on a pilgrimage. A lot of those people, from all over England, head out to Canterbury to visit the cathedral where St. Thomas a Beckett was martyred. And there you have it.

Today I joined in that very long tradition of pilgrims to the shrine in the Canterbury Cathedral.  Just like Chaucer explains, once the weather turns nice and the warm breezes blow I get antsy and feel compelled to leave the city, enjoy the clean country air, and visit some cathedrals.  Today was the loveliest day I could have chosen for such a pilgrimage.  My journey was actually quite short. Since I took the fast train from London, it was only a 50 minute, rather comfortable and boring, pilgrimage.  There certainly wasn't enough time to tell any tales (and I was alone anyway), but I did enjoy the beautiful countryside.

I'm stupidly happy, like the words to that song

I'm kind of in love with my life right now, and it seems to just keep getting better.  And even though there are parts that don't seem to be getting any better, I feel like I am getting better.  I feel like making a list of all the great things that are happening.

First, church.  I love church.  I love it.  For the last couple of months I've felt like the only thing going well in my life was church, which has never happened before, and which made all the other crappy things that were happening feel less crappy.  I have two callings, Sunday School Teacher and Volunteer Temple Worker, and they have kind of changed my life. We're studying the New Testament this year, which is my favorite book of scripture, and I love being able to study it closely and teach about it.  I love reading about the life of Christ, the things he taught and did, and I am

Remember when...

I made this dress for Halloween...

and my lovely friend and brilliant artist Brock used it for a fashion show and this great photo was taken?

And I forgot he was going to use it and when it came down the runway I gasped?  One of the best moments of my life.  Check it out on the photographer's website here. 

overcoming the long dark teatime of the soul

I typically hate Sundays. They're always the worst days of the week for me, days when I feel the most tired, the most lonely, the most bored. Maybe it's because I have high expectations for them, or maybe it's more psychological and goes back to the times when I worked Saturday nights until 6 AM and still managed to get up by 11 to go to church. I usually managed church ok, but Sunday evenings just killed me. I don't think I ever really shook that feeling. Also, I often got frustrated, years after I quit that job, when I would want to hang out with people on Sundays and they would all be napping in the afternoon when I never could nap. Maybe that made me bitter.

I'm sure most of you have heard me complain about Sundays before, and I'm sure many of you have heard this quote, which is one of my favorite quotes of all time. It's from Douglas Adams' Life, the Universe and Everything and it describes my Sunday afternoons perfectly:

In the end, it was the Sunday afternoons he couldn't cope with, and that terrible listlessness that starts to set in about 2:55, when you know you’ve taken all the baths that you can usefully take that day, that however hard you stare at any given paragraph in the newspaper you will never actually read it, or use the revolutionary new pruning technique it describes, and that as you stare at the clock the hands will move relentlessly on to four o’clock, and you will enter the long dark teatime of the soul.

I remember the day I read this. It was a Sunday, believe it or not, and I had just taken a bath (the second of the day) and decided that maybe I would just read to try to pass away the rest of the afternoon. I almost fell out of my chair when I came across this passage.

This isn't the first time I've ranted about how much I hate Sundays and it probably won't be the last. However, today was one of those rare nice Sundays. It wasn't the best Sunday I ever had, but it also wasn't the typical Sunday where all I want to do is stab my eyes out because I'm so desperately bored. Since I had been so lazy yesterday, I decided to go for a walk this morning. The sun was shining and it was such a lovely day out. I walked around my neighborhood, which isn't the most interesting place in the world, but I found a few lovely spots to stand and enjoy the sun. When I got back home I felt good and I was actually excited to go to church.

Church went well; we talked about some wonderful principles, about faith and temples, and I felt renewed and ready for my week, and I even did

an uncharacteristic thing and stuck around after the meetings to chat with people. I found out that some were going over to St. Paul's to attend a service and since I had been thinking of doing just that thing earlier today I decided I would tag along. It was quite a nice service, and the church is just utterly amazing. Even the little sermon was quite nice and made me think of Christ and my relationship to God. I love learning and feeling the spirit in other churches; it helps me appreciate my own beliefs and religious practices.

Then I came home and talked with my family, watched a little Top Gear, and skyped with my best friend. And now it's nearly time for bed and I never once fell into that horrid long dark teatime of the soul.

I honestly think that the fact that I forced myself to be a little more laid back and take my time after church to talk to people really made all the difference. I think the thing I hate most about Sundays is being alone. I feel like Sundays are meant for people, to relax and talk and enjoy the company and good conversation of friends and family. I do believe they are sacred days, but when they are spent alone, watching telly, being bored, Sundays just awful. So, I hope that Sundays like today will be characteristic of my future Sundays, and I'm going to put a little more effort into making them special like I want them to be.

blogging instead of playing spider solitaire.

Hi, I'm going to tell you a little about how my life is going right now. Not that you asked.

I'm in limbo again. Actually, I've been stuck in limbo for a pretty significant amount of time. Neither here nor there, waiting for this or that to finally happen. Recently I've been waiting for news on whether or not I'll be getting a very important scholarship for the program in London, and it makes me anxious. I've been back from New York for a month now and time is flying, but I'm finding myself growing bored again. The excitement of the last two weeks of my trip, coming back and visiting with family and friends in Salt Lake, Kamas and Provo were exhausting and I was totally grateful for the chance to chill out and babysit a kitty in a cute apartment and have time again to think. Well, it's been a week and I'm bored.

I watch a lot of tv these days, and I noticed tonight when I was spending some time with friends that television is all I talk about. While I watch tv I knit. I just finished a hat that is much smaller than I was expecting to be, so maybe I'll try to sell it as a children's hat. Today I started a shawl with some $20 golden yarn that I bought in New York and I worry it won't be as pretty as I had hoped. Yesterday my little sister came over and I took some gorgeous pictures of her modeling some recent projects.

Guys, my sister is beautiful.

I've also been baking pies. After watching the entire 2 seasons of Pushing Daisies in the last week I have an uncontrollable desire to bake delicious pies. So far they have been perfection. Perfect crust, perfect filling. I'm in love with my pies. So far I've only made banana cream and a berry pie, but I plan on getting some more fruit and experimenting.

Not to brag, but I make a perfectly tender and flaky crust. And this berry pie was a divine conglomeration of three distinct berry flavors, all tied together with a little sugar on the flaky crust. Those were my sister's words, not mine.

Let's see... Oh, I also recently finished editing a 90 page thesis and got paid a little for it. I wish I could get more jobs like that. Anyone need an editor?

On another note, I've been feeling a little lonely lately, missing my Provo peeps and the new friendships I made in New York that never had the chance to develop to their full potential. I miss Alexis and Liz and Andy. I hope I can be friends with them again some day. I was lonely when I was in New York, and these people totally made my time there worth it. Tonight I spent time with three of my most favorite people, and I realize what joy friends bring me in my life, and I love the thought that I have no idea how many wonderful people I am set to encounter in my lifetime and how they will change and shape me and my existence on this earth.

Well, I think that is all for the night. Thanks, Internet, for listening. You're great.

London calling

It's coming on a month since I blogged last, and even though this last month has probably been the craziest and most eventful in months, I haven't felt stable enough to sit down and write a blog. Or maybe I should say I haven't felt like I could give my full attention to such a task. Until right at this moment: the first time in nearly a month that I have been totally and completely by myself.

I had 2 goals I needed to accomplish this summer. The first was to live in New York and the second was to not pay rent for at least two months. New York: check. Being homeless: so far so good. Since I wrote last I have spent part of a week in a hostel in Boston, a night in a friends apartment in New York, part of a week in a lovely home in Maryland, a night in my old apartment in New York, a few nights on my sister's couch in Salt Lake, a couple of couches in Provo, a bed and a couch in Kamas, another few nights back in Salt Lake and now I am house sitting for a nice girl with a lovely cat while she enjoys a cruise. I'll be here for 2 weeks and then I'm back to couch surfing.

I kind of really don't mind this lifestyle. I don't mind living out of a suitcase and I don't mind sleeping on couches. The best part is that I haven't paid rent for a month now, and I'm getting paid to stay at this girl's house for the next two weeks. Sweet deal, yeah?

After the summer is over I'll hopefully be starting one of my biggest adventures yet: moving to London to do a PhD at the London Consortium (part of Birkbeck College) in Humanities and Cultural Studies. If I can find the money to go it will be a dream come true. Last week I had an interview over the phone with the professor I would be working with and they emailed me two hours later telling me of my acceptance. I honestly couldn't believe it. I was slightly worried about the interview because I could hardly understand the British accents over a speakerphone, and I was uncertain of a few of their questions, even though I tried to answer as if I did understand what they said. Thank goodness for the last 15 years of my life watching Beatles movies, Monty Python and Doctor Who, or I may have been completely lost in that interview.

Guys, I'm moving to LONDON!

Well, maybe. I hope. It depends on a lot of things that I'm working on right now. My goal is to get all the paper work figured out this weekend and send it all in on Monday.

I was looking at the courses I'll be taking this fall and I got all giddy and light headed just thinking about them. Here are some of the course titles: "Coldness: Toward a Political Thermodynamics of Culture", "Down: Meloncholy, Depression and Regeneration", and "Scratches, Traces, Spacings". Does that sound awesome or what?? Ok, maybe I shouldn't get too ahead of myself. I still have to raise thousands of dollars to go.

I was just thinking the other day that I didn't want to wait a year to go back to school and now I may not have to. It feels good to think that I don't have to put my goals on hold. I'm excited.

if we wait until the weekend, we could miss the best things to do.

So 95% of my interactions with people yesterday were with men. Seriously, it was very weird. I talked briefly to one woman the whole day. I went out with an old friend for lunch and he and I walked around the Upper West Side for a few hours. We went to Ulysses Grant's tomb, which was very cool, then I went to my knitting class which was taught by a man. After that I went to a concert and on my way home I ran into a guy I met a few weeks ago and hung out with a few times. He wrote a book and gave me a copy and I've read and it was the weirdest run in with a person. I was getting off the train and there were only men surrounding me. I didn't see one woman, and I thought "this is really odd" and I started looking around to see if there were men behind me as well and I turned and this kid was walking right next to me. We were both a little shocked, especially since those sort of run ins don't happen often. So we took the same train home and we talked the whole way and set up a time to hang out next week. Then when I got home I talked to 2 more guys before I went to bed. Weird.

So I was thinking of blogging about today because I had another awesome day, but then I realized how boring these posts must be about me listing the stuff I do. I decided to make my perfect day into a walking tour so that if any of you find yourselves in New York you can retrace my steps and perhaps find yourself having a perfect day.

I call this The Lazy Hot Day in New York Tour:

The next time you find yourself jobless in New York City with a lot of time on your hands, a couple of nice people to hang out with and weather that is less agreeable on the temperature side (preferably 90 degrees or more) there are plenty of relaxing and low impact activities. A nice picnic in the park is the perfect way to start.

1. Take a three hour picnic in the shade in Central Park. Start at the corner of 96th Street and Central Park West entrance to the park. Walk about 20 feet into the park and find a nice shady spot on the nearby hill. It's hot out there. You don't need to be doing any trekking any further when a perfectly shady hill is available right next to the entrance. Set yourself down and talk and eat with the couple of nice people you brought with you for the next two to three to four hours.

2. After snoozing in the shade, lazily stroll down Central Park West until you find yourself a refreshing drink. If you are lucky enough to be with someone who lives in the Upper West Side you can stop by their house, use their bathroom and freshen up with some cool water from their kitchen sink (it's free!)

3. Without exerting too much effort, ramble down Amsterdam and stop in Pretty Angel Nail & Spa (between 81 and 82nd) for a $24 mani/pedi. Super cheap and they also have great massage chairs.

4. After your mani/pedi hop on the train and head down to Chinatown. On Mott St. there are a number of places to get a cold tapioca drink. I got a passion fruit with little bits of coconut jellies floating in it. So refreshing. I got it at a place that was also a bakery where I bought a 98 cent piece of chocolate torte. 98 cents!!

5. Around the corner at 68 Bayard St. is a little place called "Nice Green Bo Restaraunt". They have delicious dumplings. You can share 3 orders between 4 people and only pay $5 each to get filled up with yummy food. Across the street is the Ice Cream Factory where they have an impressive array of flavors such as avacado and red bean. I got the lychee flavor, and it was delicious. Only, be aware that you can only sample 2 flavors of ice cream.

6. After dessert walk east down Canal Street (towards the East River) where you might just be lucky enough to run into some sister missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who sit outside the high school with big signs in Chinese offering free Book of Mormons and English lessons and try to talk to passers by. They're adorable girls and speak excellent Chinese, and if you crowd around them people will get interested and actually come up and talk to them.

7. Continue down Canal Street until you get to Allen Street. Cross the street and turn right. Just before you reach Division Street is a genuine Bansky painting on a wall. It's been tagged with silver paint, but what can you expect? Stand there and admire the piece of art which, if it had been done on a canvas would be worth thousands of dollars.

8. Walk down Allen Street towards the river until you pass under the Manhattan Bridge and actually get to the East River. The best time to go is at evening with a full moon when it's still 90 degrees and a cool breeze blows off of the river. You get a spectacular view of the Manhattan and the Brooklyn bridges and of Brooklyn and the Financial District.

9. Now if you're doing this walking tour right you'll be with someone who actually lives in a high rise luxury apartment in the Financial District. If you don't, well then you can't really finish the tour, so enjoy the view and then go home to your crumby little room that isn't actually a room at all in Harlem. Otherwise walk along the river towards the Financial District, try to navigate its charming crooked streets until you get to Two Gold St, advertised as "Downtown Manhattan's most amenity rich luxury resident rental". Take the elevator to the roof and enjoy the view of the river and of downtown Manhattan, or you can hang out in the club house with several private lounge areas and pool tables, or you can go for a swim in the pool or do laundry in one of the TWO on site laundry facilities. Two. On site. Not down the street, but in the same building. Unheard of. Or you could just hang out in a sweet apartment and watch tv on the giant flat screen.

This is where your adventure ends, but you'll find an A train near by that will take you to your (still 90 degree hot) room that isn't really a room in Harlem. From Central Park to the Upper West Side to China Town to the Financial District, you've seen a lot today and you deserve a nice cool shower.

Austen-loving werewolves, vampires and wedding receptions

I had a tremendous day today. I just got home at 11:00 pm and I've been out of my house since 7:30. But these are my favorite kind of days and I feel great. I had class at 8:00 today and I didn't fall asleep, and then I did student interviews and ran some errands until I taught at 11:00. This is the first lab day of the semester and I loved my first section. They were happy, enthusiastic, talkative and got really into the movie clips I showed. The best part was a lovely young man, tall, dark and totally beautiful, who got so excited about Pride and Prejudice and told me that his favorite version of it was the BBC one. I couldn't help but laugh to myself at this Jacob from Twilight lookalike who loved Pride and Prejudice. I wonder how many 19 year olds girls in my class are in love with him already. The second section was meh. They didn't talk, they didn't laugh at my jokes, which made me go a little too far in trying to get a reaction and probably caused me to freaked them out a little. Plus I was tired from already talking non stop for the previous two hours, and I didn't want to do it all over again. And in this class instead of a beautiful earnest young man who loves Pride and Prejudice I have a snarky smartass to contend with. Joy.

After class a friend came and got me and we went to a matinee of Daybreakers. I loved it. It was dark (like film noir dark) and scary and beautiful and bloody. The blood was gorgeous and there was just enough of it. I'm so excited that there is finally a movie that really explores the logical end of the vampire myth: what would happen if the Cullens turned everyone into a vampire? How could a world run by vampires sustain itself without a steady supply of blood? What happens when vampires stop becoming hunters and start mass producing blood? Buffy of course explored this a little in the episode when Cordelia wished Buffy had never come to Sunnydale and the whole town was run by vampires. The movie actually reminded me a lot of this episode. Anyway, it also fully explores the conventions of the genre and adds logical embellishments. When the vampires are stabbed in the heart they explode! And when they are in the sun, they don't effing sparkle, they die a horrible fiery death. I felt like this sunshine thing was really emphatic actually, and it's even there in the title. I also loved how Ethan Hawke's character's name was Edward. HA. He was way hotter than that other Edward, partly because he genuinely loved humans, but mostly because he wasnt an asshole. I adored this movie. It had everything I could want: proper character development, beautiful cinematography, the right amount of blood and gore, exploding vampires and pure, simple awesomeness.

That, ladies and gentlemen, was a really terrible review of the film, but I'm just so excited about it now. I definitely plan on writing a proper paper about it sometime in the near future.

After the movie I came back home, changed, my mom came and picked me up and we went to my cousin's wedding reception. It was lovely, and the family was wonderful, truly the opposite of what I expected. I got to see cousins, aunts and uncles and my grandparents, and they were all just lovely. (Honestly I'm glad there was no booze at the reception, otherwise it might have been a whole different story). It gave me hope for my own possible wedding someday. They rented this greenhouse park thing with plants everywhere, little stone paths and tables tucked away in corners. Very simple, little decorating required, and interesting enough to keep guests from leaving early. That was a good idea. I'm so happy my little cousin got married, and I loved seeing her family. They really all love each other and they are really wonderful people, and it makes me appreciate my own family as well as my extended family. I'm proud of them, who they are and what they've accomplished.

I took the bus back home from Sandy, which took an excrutiating hour to get to Provo, but it was a good time to think about stuff, about family and love and who I am, where I came came from and where I want to be. Now I'm exhausted and excited for bed and for the long weekend.

another happy post

I really like my life right now. I feel mostly at ease and yet still busy enough not to feel guilty. I can go to late movies because I don't have to get up early, and I can take a couple hours out of my Monday to go grocery shopping and plan meals for the rest of the week. I like how I can go up to Salt Lake every weekend and see my family and do fun things. I like how I have time to knit scarves and keep up with good television. And in the back of my mind all this time I am working on projects. Then I sit down and write five pages or edit a paper or do some research and I feel productive. I am enjoying this life now and there are frequent moments when I just sit back and feel happy.

I need to get another job, but I'm not too concerned with it right at the moment. I have a weird desire to work at the mall during Christmas, and since my roommate is a manager of one of the stores there, it might happen. I'm going to keep an eye out for some jobs to do for the next year so i can save up some money in case I go to London.

Speaking of London, I got a very encouraging response to an email I sent a professor at the London Consortium. I told him about my proposal ideas and asked if he would be interested in supervising my dissertation. He responded by telling me that my idea was very interesting, that the London Consortium would be a "congenial setting in which to pursue it", and that he would be interested in supervising such a topic.

This response made me :D

I will be working on my proposal this week. I've already talked it over with a professor here and he was also encouraging. When I wrote the paper there was so much that I wanted to write about and had no time or space, so I think it will be the right kind of project for a dissertation. I am actually really excited to get back to some research. I also got an email from the guy they call the "admissions tutor" who offered to help me through the process. I need to figure out how to respond to these guys. It's a bit intimidating, but I have confidence in my project ideas and my abilities, so I'm just going to do it.

In related news, I've decided to graduate in April instead of December. There are too many reasons to sit here and list, but it just seemed to work out better that way. I'm happy for it.

It's late and I should go sleep, but i like staying up late these days. And I can, so I do.

just a perfect day

Wednesday this week was one of those good days that happen only when the stars are aligned and meteors are showering down around us. I wonder if the meteors had something to do with it. On Tuesday night a group of us went down to Mona to the ponds to watch the meteor shower. We got there before the moon came up so it was pitch black, and we made our way into the water which was surprisingly warm (in spots). I floated on my back in the middle of the pond and saw nothing but stars. It was a little early so we only saw a few meteors while in the water, but it was pretty magical. After we got out of the water we all laid on the ground, freezing cold and huddled together, and watched for more meteors. Then the moon came up and ruined everything.

So Wednesday morning I got an email saying that my department needed more TAs for the fall and asked if I would help out. I had just talked to my mom about moving all my stuff to her house, so it was kind of a big change of plans if I accepted. I would need to get enough hours and a cheap place to live to make it worth it for me. Also, I didn't want to TA for a part-time faculty since I've decided to start "collecting professors", as my friend Kristina calls it. I want to be involved in the department with full time faculty so that I can add to my arsenal of references. So I went up to campus to talk to the department secretary. She gave me a class with a full time professor for 15 hours a week and said she might be able to get my 5 more hours for an evening class. I said, ok.

Then Kristina and I got pizza at one of my favorite pizza places. We came back, ate pizza and then went and talked to some professors. Dr. Sederholm read my first chapter of my thesis and told me that he liked it. And then he spent 15 minutes convincing me that saying he liked it meant a lot, that he doesn't pass of crap. He made me feel like all the work I did this summer was worth something and encouraged me to look for publication opportunities. I needed that reassurance, more than I realized.

When I got home my roommate and I decided to go to the community garden. It was my first time there and I was really upset with myself for not going at all during the summer. Pulling weeds, pruning, harvesting, watering, just being in the garden in the middle of the valley with the big blue sky and the mountains in the distance: it was heaven. I strongly believe that being out in that type of environment and working with your whole body makes people happy, because its healthy. Our souls, our bodies and our spirits, need this type of experience on a regular basis. After being out there for a couple of hours and helping load all the produce up to bring back to people to eat, I felt better about everything, about life, about myself, about my future.

While I was out there an acquaintance of mine mentioned that there were a couple of openings in her house. Since that morning I needed a place to live in Provo, so I was very pleased to learn that the spot was only $225 a month. A steal. I pay $385 now. Later that night I looked at the place and realized it was perfect. It's cheap, it's in a cute house in a nice ward, it's only a block from where I live now and thus still near some of my favorite places and people, and it has loads of off street parking.

After the garden we came back to Alicia's house where seven women all pitched in to help make a leek soup and a peach and blackberry cobbler, with ingredients we had just brought back from the garden. I found it very interesting how so many people could be in such a small kitchen and everyone helping and the whole thing running so smoothly. It also struck me how amazing the people were that I was with. Seven women, all coming from different places and backgrounds and all successful and strong. And all of us were working together with food we had helped create. I felt proud to be in such good company. And then the food was delicious.

I was supposed to go to California this week with my family, and while I'm sure I would have had fun I'm glad that I listened to whatever it was telling me I should stay and sort my life out. My life has the tendency of sorting itself out at times, if I just let it go a little and trust that things will fall into place. They almost always do. I realized when i was going to bed that night just how wonderful the day had been, how I had received so much sustenance from so many different venues, from good people, good places, good food.

I signed the contract today for that house and I feel really good about it. Last summer when I moved into the big empty house I'm living in now I needed so much to be away from people, to have space and time to think. I was living in a house that I loved but that was always open and fully of people almost all times of the day, and so escaping the noise was my number one goal. After living in a big empty house for a year I'm now ready to move in to a place where people are there, coming and going, living. I need to be in that environment again, to feel the pulse of life. I need people and I'm excited for the coming semester. I plan on strengthening the relationships I have now and building new ones. I plan on being more involved in the community and in my department. I plan on preparing myself for a PhD program, and finishing my thesis, and being the most professional and helpful TA that I can be. Apparently my time in Provo is not yet over, and I'm excited for another chance to end it well and feel satisfied with the run I had here.

bunch of little randoms

The week since I last posted about the David Byrne concert has been slightly insane. I quit my job last Tuesday so that I could focus more time on the class I'm teaching and on my thesis. Then I started teaching, and that has been quite the experience so far. I've been putting a lot into that, and I'm hoping it's showing. I have the tendency to ramble or say things without thinking (thus insulting people and spouting off inappropriate things) but I think I'm improving. Maybe I just needed some practice.

I feel slightly hypocritical because I am requiring my students to post 3 blog entries every week and I didn't even post anything last week, but I suppose I have my excuses. For one thing, this class takes a lot out of me, and when I sit down to blog it's usually complaints about all the things I have to do which is not interesting. In fact, I have the suspician that this post is very uninteresting as well. But that's ok, it's just a bunch of randoms. I spend hours preparing for the two and a half hour class, the equivelant of 3 fifty minute class periods. When my mom asked me what I did yesterday and I told her "prep for class and teach" she didn't believe it was all I did, but it was. It's a good thing I love it so much.

I hope that what I try to get accross to my students is working. I hope that they learn how important it is not to just feel and experience art but be able to read and talk about it as well. Maybe I'll keep working on making that point throughout the semester. I can't even begin to say how enriched my life has become because I can read and talk about art. I can examine it and understand it and reach new levels of experience that I wouldn't have by simply taking it at face value. I think we need to start analyzing right away.

I went to Moab last weekend with my good friend Brittany. We had a good time camping, and there were some interesting people to be around. I finally got to go to Arches National Park and enjoy the beautiful arches. I don't like hiking as much and that's because I'm lazy, but it was a wonderful experience.
Here's me at Delicate Arch

Where I am standing under this arch is actually quite precarious. I kept imagining myself sliding down the side and smashing my head open on the rock below. I don't know how so many people can visit and not all die. It just takes one slip.

I have to say that I love the desert. I didn't used to. Not until a couple of years ago actually when I read an article in a class about how our love for green is really just a social construct and that we should try to find beauty in the delicate blends of browns, reds, grays, and of course the bright blue of the sky, found in the desert. It's such a peaceful place as well. This is one of my favorite photos I took on our hike to Landscape Arch:

What a wonderful place to be. I'm glad that I discovered how gorgeous the desert can be.

summer has officially begun

On the way home today I walked past a family sitting outside on their front lawn. There were two little tiny children playing and as I approached the house the little girl picked a dandelion and held it out to me. I took it and blew some of the seeds away. She was delighted to see this, so I handed it back to her and she blew some of the seeds and gave it back to me. Then as I walked past the little boy on his tricycle he waved at me. In the next second I walked past a woman holding her baby who also waved at me exuberantly. Three babies saying hi to me in the span of a minute. I about died.

This afternoon was truly delightful. Work sucked and it was kind of hard but I left at the right time to show up at my friend's house just as a everyone was going to the cemetery up on the foot of the mountains. 7 of us drove up there, stopped by a little roadside hamburger joint and got something to eat, and spent an hour or so sitting in the cemetery, talking and looking out over the valley. It was gorgeous, one of the most amazing views I've seen of Utah Valley, and I was with some pretty awesome people. I feel really blessed. I'll have to post some picture of that view at some point, I'm sure I'll head up there often this summer.

a few things

First, I was walking to campus today and the kid in front of me had some envelopes precariously tucked in to his back pocket just waiting to fall. "Great," I thought, "I have to keep up with him now in case they fall out so that I can get his attention without running to give them back to him." So I quickened my pace and stayed a good safe couple of feet away. The envelopes slipped more and more until only a small part of the corner of one remained in the pocket and the rest was flopping. Any second now, I thought. I was fixed on this envelope. Just before the fatal moment the guy reached back and grabbed them. "Oh thank God." I said. My visible relief probably would have been pretty funny if anyone happened to be watching me fixated on this guy's butt. It was a pretty intense moment.

Second, the power went out today in class. That's always funny.

Thirdly, I went to talk to a film professor who is usually pretty mean to me. She thinks my whole zombie thing is a joke and scoffs at me when I talk to her about it and about how I want to incorporate zombie films into my paper on cinematic transcendence. But today was different. Today she was extremely nice to me. She complimented me on my writing, on my knowledge of zombie films, on my teaching skills (since I gave a presentation in class last week that she apparently thought was wonderful) and when I left she said something about what a hoot I am and how she's happy she got to know me. It was a relief because i was in no mood this morning for derision.

Fourthly, Wendell Berry is coming to Salt Lake to speak and to do a reading!!! I've been thinking a lot about the book of his that I read, The Unsettling of America: Culture and Agriculture, a book which pretty much changed my life, and meaning to look at it again. I am so excited. I hope I get to meet him. :D

10 good things from this week

(in no particular order)

1. I saw Andrew Bird on Wednesday with some of my good friends. The show was great, even though it seemed Mr. Bird and the band were struggling a little with timing and rhythm. He looked frustrated and they had to start several songs over again, but it more or less just testified of the complicated things he was attempting to do with his looping machine. From my angle (at the front and to the right of the stage in front of the guitar player) it seemed that they weren't communicating well between each other. Maybe it was just an off night. At any rate, it was still wonderful and I loved the show.

2. It was warm for most of the week and I felt spring in the air. Even though the last couple of days have been cold, it won't be much longer before things start turning green.

3. I was part of a group presentation for my film class and we did really well.

4. I found out that I'm teaching Humanities 101 this Spring term. I practically begged for this gig and I am so incredibly happy for the opportunity. It's going to be so much fun.

5. I finished three weeks of training for a new project at work.

6. When I started the project I found that it is the easiest thing ever.

7. I finished 2 audiobooks and read Watchmen in one sitting on Sunday.

8. I get to see my best friend Amanda tonight.

9. I did my taxes last night.

10. I'm getting money back!

10 good things.

My lovely friend Alicia was telling me today that when she was little and got mad or frustrated for whatever reason her mom would have her write down 10 things that were good. It sounds like a good idea and since I want to try to be more positive and cheerful I thought I'd try it out.

1. The Peace Lily my sister gave me for Christmas. I see it's growing and getting bigger, it always has lovely white flowers, and it helps separate my desk from my supervisor's which helps with awkwardness.
2. This nice blue pen I have to write with.
3. Wintergreen breathsavers.
4. This book I'm listening to on tape called Assassination Vacation which is both nerdy and funny.
5. It stopped raining/snowing
6. I have a ride home from work today.
7. Andrew Bird's new album
8. I'm going to see Andrew Bird in concert next week!
9. Paul McCartney's new album doesn't suck.
10. I might get to play rockband tonight.

A recipe

I made a great soup tonight and thought I'd post the recipe.

Southwest Chicken Soup
Ingredients:
1 can chicken broth
1 small onion
2 or 3 chicken breasts
1 stalk celery
1 small green bell pepper
1 can red kidney beans (or black beans)
1/2 cup corn
1/3 cup barley
3/4 cup pasta (I used rotini but farfalle would work too)
salt
chili powder
garlic salt
graded cheese
tortilla chips

Heat chicken broth and at least 3 cups of water with onion, bell pepper, chicken breast (whole or chopped up), barley, kidney beans, garlic salt, and chili powder. When chicken appears cooked (about 10 minutes) put in celery, corn and pasta and cook until pasta is tender. add salt to taste. top with cheese and crumpled tortilla chips.

I also put cabbage in the soup for extra nutrition and flavor, but I'm weird and I love cabbage.