abject

I love horror films, and I love talking about and writing about horror films. You would think this would desensitize me a little bit so that when faced with mildly gross or distasteful things in real life, I wouldn't be bothered as much. In fact, the opposite is true. I think it has sensitized me. I know the stuff on screen is fake, which makes stuff in real life that much more real and intense for me. I saw a dead duck today on the way to campus. Someone had tried to cover it up with a piece of cardboard, but with its little head peeking out, the cardboard only made it that much more abject. I don't like seeing dead animals like that. Then a block later I crossed the street and there was blood on the road. Blood. It must have been real blood. Probably from an animal getting run over. It made me sick. I almost couldn't go to campus. Now, this is ridiculous. That dead duck was not the first time I've seen a dead duck. I grew up on a ranch where we killed ducks (and chickens and geese and turkeys) all the time. I've seen blood; I've participated in slaughtering animals. So why was what I saw today so abject? Probably because it's out of a context of the farm. It's a dead duck and blood on the street in the city where I live. Definitely not expected. About an hour later some girls came to class late saying they had seen a girl get hit by a car, right where I saw the blood apparently. Freaky.